So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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