Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
