my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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