I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it's like heaven, but drunker
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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