I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
