I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
