Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
