i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
