I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
