Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
