i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
