she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
