I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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