I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
