I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
