i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
