Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
