sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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