I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
