The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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