why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
