why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
