i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
