If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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