i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
