I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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