the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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