why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
