There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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