she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
