So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
