She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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