yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
