evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
