i think my mom watched the whole time
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
