I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
