The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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