i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Alive.
So much puke
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
