My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
