so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
