my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
