I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
