We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You ate ashes out of my bong
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