I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
