Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
