I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That was before I lit my hair on fire
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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