If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
