another moral hangover. fuck.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
