I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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