Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
